Tag: marriage

Making a long-distance relationship work

How to make a long-distance relationship work?

This is one of the biggest struggles that any couple will ever have to work through. When your better half resides miles away, so many thoughts go through your mind. You begin searching within yourself for answers and start asking yourself, “how to make a long-distance relationship work?”

Anxiety takes over when they don’t respond to your last text or don’t answer when you call. You start asking yourself, “What are they doing? Who are they with? Why are they ignoring me? Are they blowing me off?”

When you fall in love with someone, you vow that you would do anything to make it work with them. Nothing could ever stand in the way of what you both want, not even long distance. So, the question remains, how to make a long-distance relationship work?

You must be committed.

There are many factors that come into play in order to make a long-distance relationship work. The foundation for success is built on three main components: trust, faith and communication. Without all of those working together, the relationship is sure to be doomed.

Trust is the key element to any type of relationship, intimate or not. Without trust, the relationship will be held at arm’s length. It is a natural feeling to not allow anyone you don’t trust to get too close to you, that’s just common sense. If you aren’t willing to trust who you are with to make wise decisions when you are not around, it might be time to walk away.

Faith falls into the same category as trust; however, faith is something that you must have in yourself. You must maintain faith in yourself and in the relationship itself. Trust yourself to make the right decisions when your spouse isn’t around. Let’s face it, temptation is everywhere, and the devil has honed his skills in that department. Have faith in your relationship and that will be your soldiers on the front line.

 Communication is a must when it comes to any relationship. Lack of communication becomes frustrating, and nobody likes to play guessing games in a relationship. Communication is important in any relationship; it is even more necessary when you factor in distance on top of it. When you are ignored or feel like you are being blown off, suspicious minds prevail, and your conscience will eat you alive.

You should never accuse your partner of ill intentions or infidelity just because they don’t respond to a text or answer their phone right away. If they are being unfaithful, the writing will be on the wall. I’m not saying that you have to stop in the middle of traffic to immediately respond to their text or call. Just communicate regularly or text an “I love you” once or twice a day. That will go a long way in a long-distance relationship.

Use the technology at your fingertips.

 Virtually anyone can conduct most daily tasks from that little rectangle device that they just can’t leave home without. Pay bills, surf the internet, take videos and pictures, catch up on news or the latest gossip on social media. These are just a few common daily activities that are done on our phones.

Your smart phone is equipped to handle and perform more duties than most of us will ever use on it. You can run your entire life from it if you so choose. This is convenient, but very scary at the same time. I want to focus on one of the better things that technology has provided us with, video calling.

When you video chat with someone, you are talking to them while being able to see their face. You can see their surroundings and the people they are with, it’s like being right there in person. Now, nothing could ever take the place of actually being right there beside your spouse. However, when you are in a long-distance relationship, it is all about compromise. When you can visually see the other person, it gives you a feeling of bliss during conversation.

I personally use Facebook messenger to video chat. As long as you have a good internet connection or mobile data on your smart phone, this app works great. If both of you have an Apple product, you can use Facetime to video chat. Google Duo if you are talking Android to Android and Skype is your Windows to Windows app. However, Facebook messenger works on all devices.

When you are miles away from the one you love, give them a video call in the evening to discuss your day. See what that are cooking for dinner, or you could even have a movie night. As I stated earlier, while it won’t compensate for actually being right there with the person you love, it is the next best thing.

You must have the same goals in life.

 When you are in a long-distance relationship, the end seems nowhere in sight. If the two of you have no goal in residing in the same household eventually, then why even waste the time and struggle in being in this relationship at all? Time is something you spend and can never get back, time is going to pass, no matter what you choose to do with it, that is a fact.

There are various reasons why couples choose to be in a long-distance relationship. Maybe you were high school sweethearts who went off to different colleges. Maybe you are married to someone in the military who has been deployed. Some of you may have met someone online that is a bit of a distance, and some have careers that require a significant amount of travel.

Whatever the reason, you both must agree that this is not a situation that you want to be in forever, because let’s face it, there has to be light at the end of the tunnel. All the anguish that you are both putting yourselves through in order to make this lifestyle manageable, has to be working toward something.

So how do you make a long-distance relationship work?

Both of you must make the other person feel like you want to make it work. Travel back and forth to see each other if you have the means. Come up with a plan where the two of you alternate travel time. One of you can make the trip and then the other does next time. Love, trust and understanding of what it takes to get to where you both eventually want to be, will guide you through the turbulent waters of life. Stay strong, stay committed and nothing will stand in the way of the dream you hope to have together.

Common problems with blended families

 

 The common problems that come with blended families can be a frustrating. If there is any one thing that should be labeled as a major learning curve in life, it would be the art of blending two families. When you blend to lifestyles together that have their own set ways underneath one roof, it can be a challenge.

Anyone that has went through a divorce or has children from previous relationships, knows that it can be a challenge finding another long term companion. One who is willing to accept the choices from your past life. When you find that certain someone who you connect with, one that has shared some of the same struggles in the dating game as you after a previous divorce or breakup, then it only seems paramount to proceed to the next level.

When you finally decide to take that leap

There is one major factor that you must bring into the equation, your children. Before children life is much easier for young couples. All they have is nothing but their hopes and dreams to try to mesh together. They have their relationship struggles too as all couples do when first starting out. One of the main common problems with blended families is the adjustment. It’s much easier to be responsible for yourself versus trying to establish a whole new family with separate backgrounds and ideas from a previous life.

So the decision has been made, Let’s move in!

The two of you have discussed the pros and cons of bringing your families together under one roof. The situation seems very manageable and the both of you are ready to announce to your children of what is getting ready to take place. The kids seem overcome with joy, they are happy that they are going to gain another brother or sister. The closer they are in age, the more ecstatic they might be.

The younger the kids are, the better they adapt to the situation. The oldest might seem a little more resentful. They may feel this other person is trying to take their mother or father’s place. This is not uncommon. Maybe there was a few years of elapsed time between the divorce of their mother and father and now they feel the other person is going to steal the spotlight from them. Maybe they despise the relationship entirely because they have given themselves false hope that one day their mother and father might get back together someday.

Make no mistake, it isn’t always necessarily the oldest that feels this way. In fact, all or none of them may or may not feel any resentment for the situation whatsoever. Each situation is unique. This certainly should not discourage two people who love each other to throw their hands in the air and walk away. Situations such as these are just something you’ll simply want to be prepared for.

The most common problem for blended families is children, hands down

The kids are not the problem most of the time, it is the parents. The “my kid, your kid” syndrome kicks into full swing. Everything may start off on the right foot, but after the honeymoon period is over, each starts putting their own children on pedestals.

“My kid keeps their room clean, my kid does all the chores around here, my kid gets all good grades.” And then, “You don’t discipline your kid, your kid needs to do more around here, your kid takes too long in the shower so my kid can’t get one because the hot water is all gone, your kid was in my kid’s room.” I know all that sounds somewhat petty, but it will spark some of the most heated arguments in a blended household.

It is an everyday challenge to raise kids without sweating the small stuff. One of the most common problems with blended families is that each parent wants to turn a blind eye. Right is right and wrong is wrong, don’t justify your own child’s behavior. If your child misbehaves, it is up to you as a couple to address the issue no matter who’s kid it is. Nobody likes to be compared to someone else. It is especially frustrating when one child sees that the other one can get away with murder and not suffer any consequences.

The rebellious child 

Often the most misunderstood child, rebellious attitudes can disrupt the entire household. Most of the time there are underlying issues that they are trying to mask. As stated before, a child may resent the relationship for various reasons. There is nothing more frustrating for a step parent that is trying to discipline a child in which they are trying to help raise, than to hear the words “you’re not my dad or you’re not my mom.” When a child expresses disrespect such as this toward a step parent, it is up to the biological parent to intervene and address the matter. In short, if everybody respects everybody, then things will tend to work a little more smoothly.

Stop fighting! 

There will be times when the kids disagree, I mean, they’re kids. What parents must not do is choose to side with their own kids, simply because that is their child. Thinking your own kid could do no wrong is about as blind as you can get. You as parents must sit down with both children when there is a problem, listen and try to resolve the issue at hand. A decision doesn’t have to be promptly made right then and there. After you have calmed down all parties involved, go into private with your spouse and discuss whatever punishment that is deemed necessary. No matter what, you should always back each other’s decision as a husband and wife.

In conclusion

There are many factors that must come into play for a blended family to work. Hold your child accountable for their actions. Don’t try to compare one kid to the other, this creates tension among the children. Communicate with your spouse on issues that need to be addressed. Any issues that need to be addressed must be done as a husband-and-wife team. 

Don’t leave it up to one parent to always be the bad guy because that just isn’t fair. The children learn to resent the one that always issues the discipline. Favoritism only drives a wedge between what you are trying to build and accomplish. Under no circumstance should you ever make any of the children in the home feel like they are not wanted there.

Blending two families together takes commitment and hard work, it is not for the weak. As long as everyone feels like they are part of an actual family, then everything else will fall into place. Work together and your new family should run like a well oiled machine. Navigate through the turbulence and you are bound to come out stronger and closer then you could ever imagine.